wanna go halves on a baby?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize