Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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