I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
