My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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