u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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