508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
