that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
