FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
All the doctor said was why
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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