So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
