how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
