I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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