Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
