Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
