Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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