so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
sex in a hospital.. check
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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