So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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