Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
