nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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