yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
