Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
