I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
