brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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