forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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