For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
