i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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