i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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