Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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