Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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