his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
