yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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