pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Success! We fucked roommates!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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