I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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