Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
