Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
