Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
