I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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