Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
