just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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