i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Duck Duck Cougar?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
