Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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