I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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