Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
