Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
