where am i from again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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