Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
