Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
