I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
