alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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