you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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