why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize