The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
