so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
smell my finger.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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