No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
