rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drake has all the answers
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize