the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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