I'm going to jail i love you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
