i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Two words: nipple clamps
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