Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
