Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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