Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
