Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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