Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I think my vagina is haunted
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
