You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
