just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
