Me too!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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