I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
