i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
