The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
