he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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