The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
