I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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