Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
