If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
