so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
