Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
