Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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