Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
