There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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