New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
