He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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