My nipple is on Facebook.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
