She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
