I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
