Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
