i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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