so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
