I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
