She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize