I want to have your abortion
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
