Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
