wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
