It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize