wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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