i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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