just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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