I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
