her vagine was all disorganized.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize