This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
