Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
