bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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