I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
