Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize