you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize