I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
