All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
