this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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