i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
