Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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